Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Humans have weird litter-boxes. I see any nature call as an opportunity to mark your territory and stamp your authority. To accomplish these and more, the litter-box must be in a fairly accessible place. It's one of life's great joys to ambush a creature, who shall remain Nathan, during the act. We, the cats, have been denied this pleasure by humans. Pha, for example, has a door outside his litter-box which he closes each and every occasion. The time spent inside causes worry and suspicion. The lack of sandy pellets is quite bothersome. I need more mammals to bug and pha so deserves to be the next candidate.

Turn off the mute

We have been giving these group of humans the pleasure of our company for a while now. Most of them tend to crave our attention and proximity. Living with pha has become a little more bearable. I recently got acquainted with his lap. Sis used to spend hours there but she has moved to plumper and softer spots.Whenever I get near pha, he tries to pet and caress me. To receive such honour, pha must adhere to proper protocol. The touch must be light and accurate. He also must utter my praises with appropriate aliases. Pha has been neglecting the second part. He better learn or his lap will be cat-less again.

Bullied [jul 03, 2007]

I was sitting on the kitchen window when the travesty happened. It was a pleasant evening with a hint of breeze. A tasty looking squirrel was dashing through the driveway. Pha usually puts a chair next to the window to ease our ascent. Nathan came and sat on it. Annoyed, I gave bro a long stare. He mirrored it. I let out a vicious hiss. He didn't even blink. Fixing my eyes on him, I pulled back my ears, bared my teeth and produced a growl-hiss medley. He seemed amused by it. Defeated, I jumped down and ran away. I know where your litter-box is, Nathan. This cat on cat crime will not go unpunished.

Insomniac [jun 17, 2007]

It was around noon and I had a long day. The early morning boxing match with sis was pretty spirited. Two tongue-baths were needed thanks to a refreshing combing session. The backrest of my sofa was ideal for a pre-sleep nap. As I settled for a snooze, pha came and sat next to me. What was he doing upstairs during daytime? Being my usual generous self I let him stay for a while. He wouldn't budge as my nap ended and the sleep time approached. I went for a walk and a drink hoping he would move. He didn't. I yelled at him, nothing. I sprawled on the floor in my sleeping posture to give him a hint. As usual he didn't get it. I went back to the backrest and started snoring as loud as I could. With a resigned sigh, pha went to the other couch. My bed was finally empty and thanks to the silly human it was warm too. Curling into a ball, I give him a last dirty look before drifting into sleep.

Why did the chicken cross this threshold? [jun 11, 2007]

Pha was washing meat. I asked for it demurely, ignored. I asked for it cutely, snubbed. Assured of victory, I stood on my hind-legs and tilted my head imploringly towards the brute. Instead of a warranted juicy chunk, he stomped his foot and made me run away!!! This isn't a way to treat a silken haired, grace filled, handsome feline like me. I wish the Sleepy Cooker was doing the washing, at least she only protests verbally. I almost always get a few pieces off her through my antics...err...charms. Back to pha, what does he do with that mouthwatering bird? He bastes it in butter and garlic! Give it to us RAW, give it to us WRIGGLING. Hey what is he doing now? Nooooo he ruins it, he ruins it. The stupid fat idiot has put it in the heat-box. Filthy humans! they stole it from us, they...yawn...enough activity, time for a nap.

Rhapsody [jan 07, 2006]

Weird word that. I discovered something wonderful recently and hopefully will remember it from now on. My whiskers have been the itchier and dirtier parts of my otherwise immaculately clean body. I would have referenced greek gods but I don't know if they were smart enough to recognize the greatness of felines. Anyways, I was feeling quite benevolent so I went to sit besides pha on his bed. As usual he started caressing and slightly scratching my head and neck. I directed his fingers to the right spots by moving my head around and nudging his hand in the right directions. Being generous, I honoured him by licking his fingers as he approached my whiskers. What a great feeling I got! Just after one go around, my whiskers felt a lot less itchier. I had the process repeated and felt a lot fresher too. After getting my work done I debated between staying and leaving. Pha was getting a little too comfortable so I lightly bit his fingers and left.

Don't worry silly human, I'll be back.

[jan 07, 2006]

The Right Honourable Cats forgot their login info. They are back until something interesting happens.

Mad [jan 15, 2005]

I am banned from pha's room, Nathan is hogging all the treats, getting to water is a chore and I am pissed. At first, it was amusing to see the high level of fondness Nathan showed towards these new treats. Now it is irritating. He won't let me in the room for anything other than accessing litter-box or water-fountain. Even those visits are timed. I linger a touch longer and he pounces on me. He has even developed a liking for grooming. I was intercepted twice last couple of days trying to reach pha's stomach for a nap. I am hoping pha would do something about this situation as I am running out of ideas. Uh oh, here comes Nathan...hiss....

Protecting self-interest [jan 11, 2005]

Pha brought sis down today to comb her. She is still unaware of the deal I have going with pha. One grooming session costs one handful of treats. Once pha was done combing her, I had to chase sis away. Crunchy treats are a precious commodity and if sis gets the same deal, the goodies won't last very long. The thing is, I hate grooming, I protest physically and verbally during the sessions. Sis, on the other hand, loves being combed. She'd flip this way and that way, turn and roll, lick and purr, do anything to have a thorough job done. That sends pha wrong messages. I am doing pha a favour by letting him groom me. Sis makes pha feel as if he is the one who has the upper hand. Who knows, a time might come when we have to give pha treats to have our work done. Nah, humans are too stupid. Still, I have to protect my interests. Hopefully sis will understand and stop moping around. Those treats are mine, only mine!!!

Stumped [jan 11, 2005]

Usually I come here to criticize pha. Today, however, I have to take issue with Nathan. For the past few days I have been away from pha's room. I know Nathan has been getting regularly groomed. Today, pha carried me to his room and combed me for a long time. Near the end, Nathan came to the room and started circling pha. After I was done, I walked away a little distance, sat down and began to give myself a tongue-bath. I was busy licking my arms when Nathan attacked me. I wasn't in a fighting mood so I walked away. It is rare for Nathan to initiate aggression, specially at this time of the day. We have our sparring matches in early morning or maybe during or after his nature-calls. Anways, after I walked away, pha picked Nathan up and tried to comb him. Perhaps, pha wanted to calm him down. It turned out, Nathan didn't want any part of that. He left the room soon afterwards. Pha is usually clueless regarding our behaviour but this time round I am stumped too. Jealous Nathan...makes me giggle.

Home circus...wow [jan 09, 2005]

It has to be the funniest thing I've ever encountered. The entire specturm made an appearance on pha's face as he struggled to comprehend what had just happened to him. I don't feel sorry for him either. He got what was coming to him. It all started this evening. I had to endure yet another grooming frenzy. I don't know how to make it clear to pha that while I like the attention, I am not crazy about the particular act...combing. Back to my story, after pha was done, he offered me a handful of treats. As I was busily gobbling the goodies it happened. I spilled a couple of treats on the floor. Pha picked them up, gave one to me and, inexplicably, put the other in his mouth. Before he knew what just happened, the little tablet was down his throat. His eyes widened as his mouth tried to make sense of the unique taste. I guess he didn't share my views about these crunchy morsels as he raced to the other side of the room to stuff his mouth full of mints. Ironically he exhibited the same eagerness eating those tic-tacs as I do eating treats. Long after the whole episode was over, pha could be found muttering nasties to himself. Serves him right, the piece he ate was mine.

Unwanted Grooming Season [jan 08, 2005]

The combs are here and I am the first victim. It angers me that I was duped by the mere sight of crunchy treats again. The pet store bags just arrived along with the two primary humans. Almost everything was there, dry food, wet food, catnip triangle and crunchy treats. While I was supervising the appropriate removal of these goodies I caught a glimpse of a shiny, new comb. It has been 30 minutes since and I have gone through two grooming sessions. The vile device is now lying next to my water-fountain and its obvious my biting has had little effect. I guess I have to look at the bright side, two handful of treats and a new triangle. Hopefully pha will get bored and let me do my own grooming. Hairballs aren't that bad. The salty ones are even prophetic. Time to get high on catnip.

Philosophical musings [jan 06, 2005]

I just had the weirdest thing happen to me. There still is a little after-taste in my mouth that might even be in the next hairball. I was sitting on the couch, licking my butt when my tongue went through a salty patch. It has to do something with the food. I wonder if sis is experiencing similar events. Learning about that, though, might take a little while. Our shy little Florence is almost as lazy as pha when it comes to grooming. It is one of those rare moments when pha can be excused. The poor fellow can't reach his butt. I wonder if he has ever tried. Back to Florence, I hope she has a lengthy session in the near future. I can feel a combing frenzy happening pretty soon. What do you know, I am predicting future after licking my butt. That reminds me, I wasn't done grooming. Later, blog.

Goof Hunt [jan 06, 2005]

Today there is a lot of white stuff outside. I am dreading the imminent heat increase. I have tolerated this group of humans for years now but their fetish for warmth is still beyond me. Granted they don't have as thick a coat as Nathan or I do but there has to be some limit. Speaking of silly creatures, I haven't seen that idiot neighbour tigger for a while now. I wonder if some other cat finally taught him a lesson. On days like today, he used to visit my window zone and mark MY territoy just to anger me. He always seemed too cold and miserable but would act as if he had the better life. Canadian winters and outdoor cats, I sure pity the fools. White stuff and tigger, interlinked, minor nuisance, outside my window, amusing sights, nothing more. I am beginning to have trouble thinking straight. Time for a nap...

Sweating bullets [jan 05, 2005]

This has to be a short visit. I didn't know fear could penetrate that deep. Pha was being stupid, again, yesterday. I hate that long-tailed, ugly looking, dirt-sucking contraption...and I am not talking about pha. Yesterday was hell. I sense movement. What if it's a repeat? I better take cover...

Nightmare Unleashed [jan 05, 2005]

Yesterday the monster returned. Its horrible shrieks and quaking movements had me scared to death. For some reason pha decided to wield the beast all over his room. The worst part of the entire scenario was that he was being thorough. He is never thorough! I have a sneaking suspicion that he isn't done meddling around just yet. After the horrid vacuum cleaner, the furniture is sure to be moved. I normally don't mind that as it gives me new territory to explore but I worry about sis. She stayed undercover hours after the ordeal was over. She has done some small scouting expeditions into the revamped area but is still quite scared. I can't decide whether to attack the furniture upstairs or give pha and other humans a piece of my mind. I guess I'll do both.

Scouting Territory [jan 04, 2005]

Hmm, Nathan expects support from here. Good luck, bro, place's a dump. I'd rather be napping but there's just too much commotion around my sleeping areas. This used to be one of my prime locations but not anymore. Pha is being weird these days. He's staying way too much upright. He knows I like him lying flat on his back with straight legs so I can sleep on him and yet he isn't complying. Some people can be so rude! As long as I am here I better look around. Oh goody, Nathan is going to the litter box, perfect time for an ambush...

Stupid alpha human [dec 13, 2004]

I am so mad right now. I attacked the scratch-post til it fell, no relief. I even mauled the entire side of the couch, still not feeling better. For days now I have been trying to tell pha that I want some fish. He kept giving me lamb and rice. I finally decided to let him off the hook. I made up my mind to really want lamb, as much as I wanted fish. I did such a good job that I forgot about fish. All I could think of was lamb. Come dinner time, I took sis and both of us went to fetch pha. I was so ready for lamb. Pha took long time, as he normally does, fixing our plate. I could have sworn we waited for over a minute! Finally, he set the plate down and what did I see there...FISH! Since then I am ignoring pha and attacking everything I can get my paws on. Next victim, the drappery.

It's About Time! [original post dec 09, 2004]

Pha just cleaned our litter box. I always wonder what takes him so long. Can't he smell that stuff? If that sense of his isn't developed enough, can't he see the darn clumps?!? Sis thought she had found a perfect solution, be inside, aim outside. The stench almost knocked me unconscious. Sadly, sis got chased away, her efforts remained untouched for hours. She is still at it but pha just keeps ignoring. Oh well, box is clean now and I can't resist being the first.