Amuse Me!

Pha, dumb as he is, recently learned a good contact technique. He tried it on bro and got a lukewarm response. Disappointed, he turned to me for a different, and superior, perspective. I absolutely love the strong hand massage. If applied properly, the massage yields a mix of relaxation and pleasure. Banal as it is, I appreciate the human contact. Unlike Nathan and his feudal beliefs, I consider pha an acquaintance (he better leap with joy when he reads this). I would be okay with regular interaction, a bit like that among co-workers or regulars on a bus. To borrow bro's term, "I have stakes" in the sleepy cooker and the human beanbag because they are around me the most. They talk to me lovingly and politely, which I so deserve. I don't even mind the occasional shooing away from the human beanbag. He is afforded such liberties because he is my buddy (aren't all seating apparatuses?). Coming back to the massage, continue it pha, I like it. Isn't that all that matters?

An open letter to Florence

I am very irritated at your non-nature-call incursions. It's enough that I let you deposit your weapons of mass destruction in the litter-box inside MY territory. Pha is my serf. I let him pet you and put you on his lap upstairs because I am a nice cat. Downstairs is my domain. Pha rents it out by combing me. You already have stakes in the sleepy cooker and the human beanbag. I don't. Lay off pha or I'll strike my cheeks to your paws and have my ears insert your hisses. It has taken me forever to have pha smelling like something decent, namely me. Stick to your old-couch-scratching and dining-chair(s)-hogging, sis. You have been warned.


p.s. Haven't seen you downstairs in a while, are you okay?

smells like (something mean, rhyming with teen) spirit

While taking a nap, I could hear the sound of water coming from pha's lair. Since he is alone there most of the time, I was sure pha was in the less smelly human litter-box. I won't even call it a litter-box. As pha doesn't give himself tongue-baths(the fool!) I am pretty sure the place is used for tongue-less cleaning. Pha rarely uses it though, but that is a separate blog unto itself. Whenever pha emerges from that artificial licking room, he is a touch cleaner. Our scent-marks on him are also gone. These times are perfect for reclaiming him. Feeling uncharacteristically lazy, I took my time getting to his room. Upon peeking inside, I was horrified to find Nathan already on his lap. Now pha will smell like him. Worst yet, Nathan will emit a mixed odor of pha and the artificial-licking stuff. I can already imagine bro strutting around, proud of claiming that silly human. I have to wait for the next time to mark pha, a long, long wait.

Quit hogging my conditioner!

Pha is getting too comfortable around me. He is taking liberties that will soon result in scolding and biting. When I am sitting on him, he is supposed to stay still and keep me warm. I can stand occasional caresses but nothing more. The problem occurs when I am giving myself a tongue-bath. Pha would purposely place his hands in my tongue's path. It's different when I moisten his fingers before getting my whiskers scratched. I initiate that contact. Blocking my fur to get feline cleansing is totally unacceptable. Plus, licking naked, fur-less skin is just disgusting. Get with the program, human.